Fathers For Good

How Do We Know?

"In those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that the whole world should be enrolled" (Lk 2:1).

In setting the birth of Jesus in a historical context, St. Luke makes a statement that the coming of God in the flesh was a historical event. It was not a myth like the pagan tales of the gods. He places Jesus under the rule of Caesar, at a particular time of a decree that had a significant effect on Joseph and Mary. Because they had to be "enrolled" for the census, they had to travel to Bethlehem, the hometown of Joseph. And Jesus was born there, of course, in fulfillment of a prophecy.

Whenever we may be tempted to think that maybe a Virgin giving birth is a bit too much to believe, or that God taking on human nature and flesh is too much to expect, we should read the beginning of Luke's Gospel. The evangelist insists that this all happened in time with historical people and real places that pilgrims can visit to this day.

In addition to the historical record of the Gospels, we have the witness of faith. Those who have been touched by Jesus can see the very real and historical effect he has had on the world. By faith and facts do we know that this "all came to pass" for our good.

Find Your 'Joseph Moments'

 

Mary and Jesus are the proper focus of Christmas, when we sing "Round yon Virgin Mother and Child." Amid the traditional hymns, though, we may forget St. Joseph and his God-given role as head of the Holy Family. After all, he was there in the stable when the "radiant beams" came forth from the Child’s holy face.

Yet perhaps the season of Advent, which we now observe, is the true time of St. Joseph. His role will be most explicit on the Fourth Sunday of Advent, with the Gospel’s description of the angel’s appearance in a dream (Mt 1:18-24). Joseph is described as a "righteous man" who did not want to expose his betrothed to the Jewish law for being pregnant outside of marriage. Yet he is not consumed by his own righteousness, and is open to God’s plan, as it is revealed to him.

The angel says:

Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary your wife into your home.
For it is through the Holy Spirit
that this child has been conceived in her.
She will bear a son and you are to name him Jesus,
because he will save his people from their sins.

 

We can miss the full significance of this familiar account if we think that, of course, Joseph did what the angel said because he was a saint. But at any point, he could have lost courage, doubted his dream and – like any number of prophets in the Old Testament – asked God at first to choose someone else to play his part in salvation history. But he is a righteous man; he does not only what God asks, but also everything that is required to fulfill that command.

And not a word from him is heard throughout the entire Gospel story. He is simply there, leading when needed, and stepping into the shadows when the time comes for the Son of God to shine.

What can this mean for us, especially us fathers who have St. Joseph as our patron?

May I recommend that we look for "Joseph moments" in our day-to-day lives? After all, the chances are that we are quite often offered opportunities to exercise the "servant leadership" of St. Joseph. A good place to start is to become familiar with God’s word in Scripture so that we will become accustomed to the tone and tempo of his promptings in our own lives. Thus, reading the Bible – especially the Gospels – is Step One in recognizing the "Joseph moments" in our lives.

Here are some other suggestions:

2. If you find your wife or family in any danger, take well-considered and effective action, just as Joseph took the Holy Family to Egypt. The dangers you face may not include a mad King Herod, but be aware of the workload your wife may face at home, the pressures of childcare, the financial burdens of your family and even something as seemingly small as gossip about your family among in-laws. Stand up and present yourself as a defender of your wife and children.

3. Be a leader of the spiritual welfare of your family. It is amazing how attuned and attentive Joseph was to God’s angels, who appeared to him on three occasions commanding three huge tasks. As a father, don’t leave the religion to your wife – your children will grow up thinking that faith is only feminine. Give them an example of faithful masculine leadership, which includes humility in the presence of God.

4. Be open to changing your personal plans for the sake of your family. Joseph may have imagined a normal marital and domestic life with his beloved bride. But he gave up all such dreams for love of God and love of Mary. At this moment, there is probably something you could do or say to show that kind of love for your wife and children.

Submit your comments to share your own "Joseph Moments."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Symbols of Advent

Suddenly the church is alive with Advent colors and seasonal rituals that have my two boys open-eyed and attentive at Mass. They know Christmas is on the horizon.

The familiar green vestments have been replaced by violet, and a purple cloth now rests on the altar. A wreath hangs on a candelabra which holds four thick, fresh candles, and in the corner of the church, the Giving Tree is festooned with tags bearing requests for gifts.

Seeing the tree, my 6-year-old said, with a mischievous grin that told me he knew better, "Is it Christmas yet?"

"No," I replied, "that tree is for us to give gifts not to receive them." I was going to explain how Advent is a time of waiting, but his eye had already moved on.

"What is that pink candle for?" he continued, pointing to the different Advent candle amid the three purple ones. I could have gone on about Gaudete Sunday and the past penitential tone of Advent, but decided to keep it simple. "The pink is for the Third Sunday of Advent – it tells us Christmas is near." He liked the sound of that.

I added, "We’re going to light one of the candles as a family next week at the 10:30 Mass."

"The pink one?" he asked, hopefully, no doubt thinking that would mean Christmas was coming quickly.

"No," I said, sorry to disappoint. "The second purple one."

My 10-year-old Cub Scout listened to our conversation with a sense of satisfaction. He patted his little brother on the head to indicate that he already knew the meaning of all the symbols of the season. He had gotten up earlier with me this First Sunday of Advent for the 7:30 a.m. Mass – a miracle for the boy I have to drag out of bed for school – so he could join his Pack selling wreaths outside the church. He was the high-earner for the morning, so he was feeling good, dressed in his Scout shirt and badges galore. He didn’t even complain about going back to church to attend the 10:30 Mass with my wife and younger son.

As the organ blasted the opening notes and the choir began the hymn, I thanked God – Jesus in the tabernacle – for the beauty of the Catholic faith, which is deep enough to employ the world’s great theologians and simple enough to capture the heart of a child.

Turkey Time Year Round

Thanksgiving is a time for food and for family. If this great holiday tradition did nothing else than bring relatives together around the dinner table, it would still accomplish a lot and be worth the effort. Yet we should ask ourselves if Thanksgiving is an extension, or an exception, to what goes on at dinnertime in our own homes each evening. Is family meal time important to us, or do we let it get crowded out by social activities, children’s sports, and the hectic work schedules of mom and dad?

This is an important question – one of the most important we can ask about our role as father in our family. Research has shown that family meal time, when parents and children sit on a regular basis around the dinner table, is key to the success of marriages and the well-being of children. According to some experts, it is the Number 1 predictor of whether your children will succeed or fail in life. Children who eat most of their evening meals around the table with their parents are more likely to graduate from high school on time. They are less likely to run afoul of the law and exhibit antisocial behavior. They delay first sexual encounter by years over those who don’t have a regular family dinner, and girls are far less likely to become pregnant as teens. In short, as a father, you should place a high priority on making it home for dinner, for the sake of your wife and kids.

Of course, the pace of modern life is set against you. There are pressures at work, long commutes, traffic jams and late trains, as well as the fact that your wife may work and be unable to prepare dinner each evening. As for your children, they have TV and text messaging, social events, sports, homework, and a host of friends who never sit down with their parents for dinner. If you insist that your teens be home for dinner, you will certainly hear that "none of my friends has to be home." But kids don’t always know what is good for them. You must insist on making family dinners a sacred tradition, and set an example for getting home as "the dinner bell rings."

Yes, there will be exceptions, but they should be recognized and treated as just that – extraordinary circumstances that must not become a habit.

There are great benefits to family meal time besides keeping your kids out of jail or your daughter from the maternity ward. As you sit around the table, you will actually get to know one another. Mom and dad get to share events of the day and the children learn what goes on in adult lives – with all the thought and effort that go into each day. Your children will be able to talk about school. You can hear about their friends, and give your opinions and guidance on any troubles in their lives, such as bad marks, bullies, fears of any kind (it’s amazing the unfounded fears children can develop) and personality conflicts. Kids can learn to share, wait their turn, listen to one another, and pray. Yes, each child can take a turn saying grace before meals.

Your family will develop an internal unity and loyalty that will be hard to shake as the children move into the world.

Sound too idyllic? More like the starched shirt and high heels of 1950s sitcoms than the modern family on the go? If your family is like mine, dad is often tired and not ready yet to talk at dinner, mom is too busy rushing food to the table to even sit down till near the end, and the kids are teasing one another or saying how one does not like peas and the other is too stuffed to finish his rice (while asking what’s for dessert).

But the effort of the family dinner is worth it, day after day after day. We do manage to speak and listen, and sometimes we are even polite and considerate of each other. We learn to live with and put up with one another, and there usually are at least one or two loud laughs per meal. In addition, something warm and indefinable happens that feels a lot like love.

There are few more positive things you can do this Thanksgiving than to extend the tradition of eating together into your daily family life.

Welcome to Our New Site!

Two years after the Fathers for Good site was launched, we have just re-launched a redesign. We listened to what you said and what you would like to see and have given it to you. At fathersforgood.org, you will find:

    + More Videos.

    + Easier Navigation.

    + More Practical Advice.

    + More Timely Topics.

    + Better Graphics.

    + Regular Comic Strip.

Call it the new Fathers for Good, to serve you and your family.

We still want your feedback, of course. Use the comment box below to tell us your thoughts on the new design. Give us some more ideas on what topics to cover or what persons to profile.

Get other fathers, mothers and young adults to check out the site.

Fathers for Good is an initiative of the Knights of Columbus, to serve men of all ages, but especially young men who get most of their information and entertainment on the Web. We want to be there when you have questions or need a little encouragement against today's attacks on manhood and fatherhood.

Check back with us often. We'll be changing features regularly and trying every day to make Fathers for Good a one-stop resource for men seeking to live out their Catholic fatherhood.

Fathers are more important than ever in the life of their family, and in our culture, and Fathers for Good is with you on the frontlines!

 

Man Up!

I had promised never to use that phrase, but everyone seems to be saying it these days. Even Newsweek featured “Man Up!” on its cover (Sept. 27), while concluding that men will have to “rethink masculinity” in order to survive in the new economy that stresses Facebook-type sharing and soft skills over brawn.

And there’s some truth to this. The incessant recession has hit men the hardest – the large majority of job loss has been among males who rely on physical strength to earn their wage. America just doesn’t build all that much anymore, apparently. Even the housing boom - which had given contractors much of their work over the past 15 years – has gone bust.

But “rethink masculinity”? I suspect that men who try to do this will be disappointed – or encouraged, perhaps – that masculinity is pretty good the way it is. Oh yes, we can rethink how our masculinity is to be expressed, but we should never seek to have it suppressed. Masculinity is a precious jewel of humanity, something that the world, frankly, would be much poorer without.

It can definitely have its excesses – brash displays that come about often when men are unsure of their masculinity or feel it is under attack. Yet when expressed as male virtue – strength, character, protector, provider, righteous warrior – masculinity has been the great energy of history. Courage, self-sacrifice, justice and truth are all expressions of masculine virtue, as are invention, innovation and idealism.

If you think you can “rethink masculinity" in some laboratory or group therapy, just look at the kiddie park, where the boys exhibit a lone warrior ethic and the girls tend to associate to communicate. The key is to harness and guide the wonderful masculine energy of boys so that they grow into men of strength and virtue – men of strong and enduring virtue. But never seek to suppress that masculine urge to rise and conquer, to build and destroy.

I have two boys, ages 10 and 5. They are both forces of nature. My mission as a father is to lead them into the truth about themselves and the world – starting with God and continuing on to mankind and all creation. They have a purpose and a place. My greatest mission – and maybe the most difficult in our somewhat feminized culture – is to teach them authentic love. Love is not merely an emotion; love is an act of the will. My two boys certainly have very strong wills, so I know that they have the capacity for great love – enough to set the world aflame and change the course of history for the better.

Rather than rethink or (worse) redefine masculinity, we fathers would do well to refine masculinity as fire refines gold to bring greater value and beauty. The gold of my sons is their souls.

Eight Rules for Catholic Schools

My two children start classes for the first time in Catholic elementary school this week. It’s a time of excitement and measured anxiety in our home.

My 9-year-old boy was homeschooled from K through 4th grade, and will now enter a fifth grade of many boys and girls. How will he adjust, fit in, adapt to not being the only student in our basement classroom?

My 5-year-old boy went to Catholic preschool and now enters kindergarten in the same school as his brother. I worry less about his adjustment because he has always gone "out" to school, and got along well at preschool. But as a father, I am still concerned that all goes well.

Now that both of my boys will be educated outside the home, I am giving serious thought about what I want from the school, as a Catholic parent.

Here is my list of 8 Rules for Catholic Schools:

+ Teach the Catholic faith in its fullness, no apologies (but some apologetics). Of course, religion class should be attractive and enjoyable, but don’t be afraid to have the kids memorize the seven sacraments, the Ten Commandments and the Apostles’ Creed. They don’t have to understand everything fully now (I’m still exploring the depths of the faith!), but if they memorize the essentials they can always have one of those "aha!" moments later on.

+ This means, of course, that they must learn that there is heaven and hell, good and evil, reward and punishment, and that life is either a movement toward or away from God. All teaching and learning should be conducted with this reality as a backdrop.

+ Demand and expect excellence – and model that excellence in the way classes are taught, discipline is given and problems are handled. Catholic principles apply to all subjects, not just religion class, and our faith teaches us to pursue excellence in human endeavors, with the understanding that sometimes humans fail.

+ Teach the sacredness and beauty of human life, that each person is a unique, once-and-forever creation of a good and loving God. Instill this ethic by the respect and fairness shown by teachers toward one another and toward the students.

+ Teach them to pray, and pray with them. A Catholic school should be a place of prayer, which means a "lifting up of the heart and mind to God." This should be the spirit not just during morning prayers or first Friday Mass, but in every subject and in every class. Even during math and computer science, a spirit of "lifting up" the mystery of human inquiry and effort should be present.

+ Engage their bodies in healthy recreational activities – sports, outings, nature walks – that will thrill their souls as well, and give them a spirit of camaraderie and school pride.

+ Love them as the children of God that they are, precious and open to eternity. Build a school environment of love, care and protection that respects their freedom yet is never slow to correct and discipline when needed.

+ Remember that we, the parents, are their primary educators. Return them to us each day whole and inspired. Work with us to help them discover what God has in store as they grow from our care.

There are many more points I could add, but these will do for this week, at least. Please add your own list in the comment box below!

What do you expect from your Catholic school?

Are You Saved?

 “Lord, will only a few be saved?”

  

What a question we heard yesterday at Mass, from the Gospel of Luke (13:22-30). It is asked by “someone,” the Gospel says, as Jesus is passing through the towns and villages on his way to Jerusalem. In other words, it is a question that probably all his listeners had on their minds – and us, as well.

  

Notice how impersonal the form of the question is, yet how personal the intent. We all want to know – will I be saved? Yet we usually think in terms of the other guy, or humanity. Look at him or her – boy, I’m better than they are. Look at the world with war and hatred and envy. They’re all going to hell – how can they all be saved?

  

But Jesus is not concerned with generalities. He is concerned with you and me as individuals. Look at his reply to that “someone” who wants a global sort of answer to the question of salvation.

  

“Strive to enter through the narrow gate, for many, I tell you, will attempt to enter but will not be strong enough.”

  

Salvation is personal. The questioner speaks in general terms, yet Jesus answers him directly, as if to say – never mind about all the others, you strive to enter through the narrow gate. Whether there are few or many depends on how you (and you and you and you) live your life. Still, Jesus does mention the "many" who will attempt to enter and be unable. We don't know how many, but we know that some (maybe "someone") will not make it.

  

Salvation is personal, yet it is also in some way communal. We all are individuals striving for that narrow gate – yet we are all in this together, and can help or hinder one another.

  

It is easy, as the Gospel is read, to stand with that “someone” and wonder, as we look at others at church (those whom we know we are better than) – “Will only a few be saved?” Yet somehow, we are all in this together. Rather than asking if others can possibly be saved, we should be asking: How have I been treating my wife? Have I made enough time for my children? Should I be the one to respond to the request for volunteers in the parish bulletin? Should I take a few moments to talk after Mass to the man who lost his job, or lost his wife, or looks depressed? And how about that family I used to be friends with, but then we had a falling out – what was it about again? – should I take a moment just to say hello and “good to see you”?

  

In all this issues, there is a wide and easy path, or the narrow gate that God calls me toward. Somehow, we are all in this together.

Boston Priest Gives New Media Challenge

The Catholic New Media Celebration in Boston last weekend was such a rich and informative event that it will take many blogs to cover it all. A few days ago I gave an overview, and now I will get a little deeper into the opening keynote by Father Robert Reed, president of CatholicTV.com, based in Boston. He did a good job of explaining the unique character and mission of Catholic media while underscoring the ongoing need for high professional standards.

Just because it’s "for the Church" or "for Jesus" does not mean that you can let the message speak for itself without attention to presentation and context, Father Reed said. In fact, the Gospel message should be presented in most appealing manner possible – just as the precious blood of Jesus is carried in a gold chalice at Mass to signify the dignity of the divine Person.

Since the Gospel is timeless and true, it is relevant to every age and to each person, Father Reed noted. It is the challenge of media evangelists to find the best way to communicate that timeless truth to the people of today. New media technology can help immensely in spreading the message, but simply using TV, or the internet or Twitter does not guarantee an audience. You have to attract people’s interest and attention, just as with any medium.

The main goal of Catholic media should be to enhance people’s spiritual lives and lead them to the truth, he said.

"With all our technology, how are we doing in the mission?" he asked.

"What we communicate is sacred and deep. Handle with care," Father Reed explained. "We have in our hands the mysteries of the faith."

His final message to the new media gathering was: "We need to be fed if we would try to feed others." Those who are appointed or who take it upon themselves to represent the Church and her teachings in the media must make sure that they have a firm foundation in the faith and take the time to reflect upon the Word of God and receive the Eucharist with grace and reverence. Only then can they go forth to bring the Good News to others.

CatholicTV is the oldest Catholic station in America, and it is growing with the times under Father Reed, taking advantage of all the forms of new media. For more information, visit the website www.catholictv.com.

Winning the Web for Christ

In the democratic “digital continent” that is the New Media, Catholics must not settle for second-class citizenship. As Pope Benedict XVI has said repeatedly (following the lead of his predecessor, John Paul II), Catholics must step up to the digital platform and claim the web for Christ and his truth, using responsibly, with energy and imagination, the many forms of New Media that are the communications modes of today and tomorrow.

 

This was the message offered by speakers and attendees at the 3^rd Catholic New Media conference hosted by SQPN (Star Quest Production Network), a constellation of Catholic bloggers, podcasters, video posters and web heads. Held at the Archdiocese of Boston’s pastoral center in Braintree (10 miles south of Boston), the gathering was graced by a visit from Cardinal Sean O’Malley, known as the “blogging cardinal,” who offered encouragement to all Catholics engaged in the New Media.

 

The Knights of Columbus was a main sponsor of the event, and featured the Order’s three main websites:

 

www.kofc.org

www.fathersforgood.org

www.headlinebistro.org

 

The keynote speakers provided some excellent insights into the why, the how and the vital importance of Catholic New Media. Thomas Peters of American Papist offered a rallying call for Catholic bloggers to work together in formal and informal ways to defend the teachings of the Church and the tenets of natural law and common sense, to effect fundamental cultural change. One blogger networking and linking with others can have an exponential impact on the web.

 

Lino Rulli, host of the “The Catholic Guy” show on Sirius Radio’s Catholic Channel, had a serious message about quality production and standards within Catholic media – amid his usual humor and antics ( would someone find this 38-year-old Italian guy a wife!). With an engaging and iconoclastic radio persona, Rulli said, he seeks to call the young, disenchanted, uncatechized into a dialogue about the possibility of God and the joys of Catholicism. His target audience is not the pious who show up on Sundays. Rather, he considers himself a success if he can give out his business card in a local bar and have someone say – hey, I heard you on the radio while I flipping the dial looking for Howard Stern.

 

Father Roderick Vonhögen is the mastermind and energy behind SQPN and the annual conference. He and his group are leading the way into the digital age, forging a positive and effective engagement with the New Media. Although he agrees with Catholics who yell and scream on the sidelines that the Internet can be an ungodly cesspool of sin and conceit, Father Roderick also pointed out that it is an open forum that offers equal time for Catholics who are willing to rub elbows with the pagans, like St. Paul at the Areopagus.

 

The message I came away with from this conference, and the one last year in San Antonio, is this: don’t be fooled by the web’s façade of secularism and cynicism. The person blogging bile or sheer nonsense on the web is made in the image of God (however he has defiled it) and has a deep-down thirst for the good and the beautiful – for truth. Catholics must enter the web with no illusions (and an Internet filter), knowing that they will face resistance, bigotry and blowback of the worst kind – but by faithful, reasoned and charitable persistence in presenting their message (in whatever digital format) they are positioned to win the web for Christ. At the very least, they must seek to “save at least a few” because God expects no less.