Fathers For Good

What’s Your Resolution?

2011 is a few days away. It is now time to settle down, take stock, and ask: where am I in relation to where I would like to be? Let’s consider a few points:

1. We can think about present and future finances – our ability as fathers to keep the domestic boat afloat and even prepare for our children’s college and our own retirement. The economy does not make this task easy for most of us, but we should have a plan to make the most of what we have.

2. We can consider the state of our marriage, how love has warmed or cooled over the years with my wife, how we get along and what we can do to make amends and a better, stronger union based on faith and "one flesh."

3. We can weigh our fatherhood, whether our kids are toddlers, youngsters, teens or adults. Think how you can do more to be involved in their lives, to give them the guidance and direction they need – not just at the crucial turning points in their lives, but on a regular basis – so they will turn to you when they have questions.

4. Then, of course, we can look at our faith as Catholic men. Do I, at the very least, pray each day and not only when I have troubles or losses in life? Do I thank God first of all for life, love and a new chance each morning to do the good on the road he has laid before me? Am I a man of faith, and am I known as a man of faith?

Each of these points can be the basis for a resolution for the New Year 2011. Think about them and write a few thoughts in the box below, to give form to your resolution and to give others some ideas to draw from.

The key to a good resolution is to make it simple yet substantive, challenging yet attainable through steady work and God’s abundant grace. "I will pray more" is good, but "I will pray a Morning Offering before I get out of bed" is better. Be specific, define the goal, and get going.

Happy New Year!

 

When to Tell About Santa?

All over the world there are kids having their hearts broken at this time of the year, as they discover a cache of wrapped gifts in the basement or closet, and their parents decide to tell them the truth about Santa Claus.

But that raises the question: When is the best time to let your children in on the secret? The answer will obviously vary from family to family, and even child to child. Yet the truth has to come out at some point - and as they say about sex - it's better your kids hear it from you than from peers in the schoolyard. There will be less chance of your little one feeling foolish and even betrayed by his parents. "Why didn't you tell me!"

You can offer your comments below, but here is my story.

I can honestly say that I never lied to my kids about Santa Claus. Now let me explain, before you accuse me of being like the misguided mom on "Miracle on 34th Street," who told her daughter that Santa was a myth. From the earliest years, my wife and I told our boys that Santa Claus was a nickname for St. Nicholas, who is now in heaven with God. As a saint, he is able to move around the world pretty quickly on December 24th and spread the Christmas spirit. When they got older and asked how St. Nicholas got down the chimney and knew what everyone wanted, we would simply say that God has a way of making every child happy on his own birthday. Jesus is really the one who gives the gifts.

OK, maybe we're a little legalistic and theologically scrupulous. But we come by it honestly. I distinctly remember, when my mother told me the truth about Santa Claus, that I felt I had been lied to. It took a while to get over, and I began wondering what else my parents had not been quite truthful about. Of course, my mom described it as a "white lie," meaning it was well-intended and harmless. But at 9 years old, I didn't see such distinctions.

So while I would not deny my children the joy of Santa and the hidden gifts, I also would spare them the shock of a "white lie." Thus, I told my 9 year old last summer because I didn't want him to be the only 5th grader who didn't know about Santa. I imagined I saw the "you lied to me" look in his eyes and I quickly explained that his mom and I had always told the truth about Santa and St. Nicholas. We never said he came down the chimney, and we always said it was by the love of Jesus that the gifts are delivered. My 6-year-old will hear the same story when he is 9 - if his brother doesn't tell him before then.

Are my kids better off for all my efforts at honesty? Maybe, maybe not. What do you think?

Write down your own "Secret Santa" story. What should we tell our kids, and when?

How Do We Know?

"In those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that the whole world should be enrolled" (Lk 2:1).

In setting the birth of Jesus in a historical context, St. Luke makes a statement that the coming of God in the flesh was a historical event. It was not a myth like the pagan tales of the gods. He places Jesus under the rule of Caesar, at a particular time of a decree that had a significant effect on Joseph and Mary. Because they had to be "enrolled" for the census, they had to travel to Bethlehem, the hometown of Joseph. And Jesus was born there, of course, in fulfillment of a prophecy.

Whenever we may be tempted to think that maybe a Virgin giving birth is a bit too much to believe, or that God taking on human nature and flesh is too much to expect, we should read the beginning of Luke's Gospel. The evangelist insists that this all happened in time with historical people and real places that pilgrims can visit to this day.

In addition to the historical record of the Gospels, we have the witness of faith. Those who have been touched by Jesus can see the very real and historical effect he has had on the world. By faith and facts do we know that this "all came to pass" for our good.

Find Your 'Joseph Moments'

 

Mary and Jesus are the proper focus of Christmas, when we sing "Round yon Virgin Mother and Child." Amid the traditional hymns, though, we may forget St. Joseph and his God-given role as head of the Holy Family. After all, he was there in the stable when the "radiant beams" came forth from the Child’s holy face.

Yet perhaps the season of Advent, which we now observe, is the true time of St. Joseph. His role will be most explicit on the Fourth Sunday of Advent, with the Gospel’s description of the angel’s appearance in a dream (Mt 1:18-24). Joseph is described as a "righteous man" who did not want to expose his betrothed to the Jewish law for being pregnant outside of marriage. Yet he is not consumed by his own righteousness, and is open to God’s plan, as it is revealed to him.

The angel says:

Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary your wife into your home.
For it is through the Holy Spirit
that this child has been conceived in her.
She will bear a son and you are to name him Jesus,
because he will save his people from their sins.

 

We can miss the full significance of this familiar account if we think that, of course, Joseph did what the angel said because he was a saint. But at any point, he could have lost courage, doubted his dream and – like any number of prophets in the Old Testament – asked God at first to choose someone else to play his part in salvation history. But he is a righteous man; he does not only what God asks, but also everything that is required to fulfill that command.

And not a word from him is heard throughout the entire Gospel story. He is simply there, leading when needed, and stepping into the shadows when the time comes for the Son of God to shine.

What can this mean for us, especially us fathers who have St. Joseph as our patron?

May I recommend that we look for "Joseph moments" in our day-to-day lives? After all, the chances are that we are quite often offered opportunities to exercise the "servant leadership" of St. Joseph. A good place to start is to become familiar with God’s word in Scripture so that we will become accustomed to the tone and tempo of his promptings in our own lives. Thus, reading the Bible – especially the Gospels – is Step One in recognizing the "Joseph moments" in our lives.

Here are some other suggestions:

2. If you find your wife or family in any danger, take well-considered and effective action, just as Joseph took the Holy Family to Egypt. The dangers you face may not include a mad King Herod, but be aware of the workload your wife may face at home, the pressures of childcare, the financial burdens of your family and even something as seemingly small as gossip about your family among in-laws. Stand up and present yourself as a defender of your wife and children.

3. Be a leader of the spiritual welfare of your family. It is amazing how attuned and attentive Joseph was to God’s angels, who appeared to him on three occasions commanding three huge tasks. As a father, don’t leave the religion to your wife – your children will grow up thinking that faith is only feminine. Give them an example of faithful masculine leadership, which includes humility in the presence of God.

4. Be open to changing your personal plans for the sake of your family. Joseph may have imagined a normal marital and domestic life with his beloved bride. But he gave up all such dreams for love of God and love of Mary. At this moment, there is probably something you could do or say to show that kind of love for your wife and children.

Submit your comments to share your own "Joseph Moments."