Only the Lonely - Final Reflection

Loneliness is not inevitable. It is not coded into a person’s genes or the result of fate. To a great degree, it is the result of a person’s choices and stems from one’s expectations for companionship. No one can avoid loneliness all of the time, but there is much that a lonely person can do to move out of that state.

 

An older female friend of mine whose children are grown and who lives alone showed little patience after reading my last blog. Just tell them that if they’re lonely, it’s their own fault. Tell them to volunteer for something, meet people, make friends, help people in need, she suggested. You can’t sit by the phone waiting for it to ring; you have to call a friend to dinner, she added.

 

There’s much wisdom in this, and it is clear that it works for my friend, whose routine of work, volunteerism and socializing keeps a smile on her face at all times.

 

Yet research shows that even busy people, even married people, can be lonely. A full calendar and many friends are no guarantee against loneliness. The issue is, at root, psychological – by which I mean pertaining to the soul (the root word for "psychology" means “soul”.)

 

“My God, why have you abandoned me?” was the cry of Christ from the cross. Putting aside some of the deeper theological problems of how the Second Person of the Trinity can be separated from God, it is helpful to remember that even Jesus felt abandoned, at least in his human nature. It is also good to consider how he resolved this sense of loneliness. “Into your hands, Lord, I commend my Spirit.”

 

Even when he felt no consolation from his Father, Jesus trusted, and offered himself into his Father’s hands.

 

Trust.  To enter into a deep and meaningful relationship with another, we must trust. We should not trust that a person will never hurt us – two people in close friendship will almost surely hurt one another at times. Trust means the willingness to suffer occasional pain and still persist in friendship.

 

Such trust is also the basis of love, something deeper: the willingness to offer one’s very self into the hands of another. Love is the ultimate sacrifice of self for another, the “new commandment” that Jesus gave his disciples.

 

Neither trust nor love is possible without forgiveness. Because we are human and hurt others and are hurt by them, we must be willing to forgive and to be forgiven. The latter is as important as the former. Many people are quick to forgive the hurts they suffer from others, imagining themselves large hearted. Yet they are slower to ask forgiveness for the wrongs they have done. In the Our Father, Jesus instructs us to ask for forgiveness (“forgive us our trespasses”) in the same measure that we forgive others (“as we forgive those who trespass against us”).

 

Trust. Love. Forgiveness.

 

If we truly exercise these virtues, these strengths of character and soul, loneliness will never be a companion for long. What’s more, we will be well on the road to heaven.

Comments

[James J]

I didn't know about the psychology - soul link. Too bad modern psychology has become so secular -- it's all about babble and pills that make you happy. Where can a man go to talk about things of the soul. That's why we're so lonely.

[Matt C.]

Brian thank you for this 4 part blog, it made me sit and reflect on my own life and the changes necessary.

[Steven Wallace]

Thank you, I enjoyed this series of blogs and have shared them with others who I judge may have also enjoyed reading them.