Only the Lonely - Part I

During one of her early visits to the United States, Mother Teresa of Calcutta, who was known for her work with the poorest of the poor, remarked that she saw great poverty in America amid material plenty. She was talking about the poverty of loneliness.

  

With their modern communications networks, high technology and crowded cities, Americans seemed to be more isolated and inward than the poor people of Calcutta. In the 20 or so years since Mother Teresa made that observation, the problem apparently has only gotten worse.

A recent article in Newsweek reported that between 1985 and 2004, “the number of people who said there was no one with whom they discussed important matters tripled, to 25 percent, according to Duke University researchers.” The article also noted that more Americans than ever are living alone, 25 percent of households, up from 7 percent in 1940.

Yet even those who lived with others reported loneliness, Newsweek also reported; the number of people in your life or house doesn’t matter as much as the depth and connectedness you experience with them. One good friend you can share your life with is enough to ward off loneliness.

Yet how many people lack that one friend? Even those who are connected to online social networks such as Facebook, and who constantly talk on cell phones, can be lonely. Without rich, consistent face-to-face interaction with a trusted friend, online connections can make a person feel even more lonely.

What is the source of this loneliness in America? Why in New York City, where I grew up with people pressed one atop another, is there an aching wound of loneliness? My friend called Manhattan the largest monastic community in the world – people lived in their little cells, called apartments, and came out to work, with little personal connection.

I think the source of loneliness is lack of trust. We don’t trust one another, so we don’t get to know one another in a deep, abiding manner. This lack of trust itself comes from a number of sources, which we will look at in the next blog entry. Be assured, faith in God is the key to the kind of trust that will break the loneliness cycle.

Comments

[Robert Moyer]

Well I try as often as I can to use the old adage on others around me, those of the faith and those that aren't "where is the love, or "You have to show the love". Once in a while I get a lot of negativity when using this in conversation. But I think the point of it supercedes any kind of criticism that may crop up from it. It plants a seed in someones mind...an ancient one on the merits of what love truly means to all of us in our daily lives. Its a genuine smile and a hello given to someone, or a nice comment to the lady that served us a cup of coffee, a thoughtful gesture of politeness in a public line or in your car, the patience with someone annoying you, or remembering to kiss your wife and children good bye before leaving for work. The love is ultimately emmbedded in all of our needs- even when not evident.
What is most striking about the will to outwardly show these forms of love is there ability to reproduce themselves by way of simply using them. They spin off and create more situations of the same. First one must have the courage to do it and continue reminding yourself to ask the question..."what would Jesus do?" and following his ways everyday, every second of consciousness possible because it is far to easy to forget this. I know that for every positive thing that I can do for Christ has a benefit and good outcome in some other way. So I say that the more pro active I can put out there the need for love, it can only continue in some sort of good, some way somehow. Ther is an old Irish saying I would like to offer to all of you. It has been my guide for a number of years and it has made me a better person all around, here it is;

ONLY ONE LIFE=
"TWILL SOON BE PAST.
ONLY WHAT'S DONE
FOR CHRIST
WILL LAST...

[Patrick, Wyoming]

A friend of mine once said that we need to quit building decks and patios on the back of our homes and go back to having a front porch with a swing where we can see our neighbors and eventually talk to our neighbors. (what a concept talking to our neighbors). I find that when I travel to the east that my western friendliness makes many locals a little uncomfortable if not ammused, but maybe I have brightened their day just a little. I do find that when I spend more time on the email trying to keep connected I usually lose more connectedness with my loved ones than I gain with my email friends.

[laura]

having so much available at the
touch of a finger has made it almost too easy to retreat into our own little "cells".
People don't have to go out shopping anymore, it's all on line.
more people are working from home
on their computers, no interaction
from day to day with actual faces
while you work.
there is even church on line or at least on tv, and more people
who do not need to because of
disabilities etc.. are opting to
go to church in the pj's and switch on the tv.
above all, people are just not taught how to be social. when I was in school we were taught how
to introduce ourselves to people,
how to introduce others, even how
to dress and act at social functions.
I think our loneliness is self-inflicted.

[Frank V]

In the virtual world amplified by computers and the internet, people are choosing to live a cocoon-like existence. Without face to face communication, people can hide behind an imaginary image of themselves. It is now possible to exist in a sea of false personas with no true reference to compare or examine one’s true self.

[Tricia]

My grandmother always said that a busy person is never lonely, and she certainly lived that point well.

But I guess busy people can be lonely if they don't have friends and family to support them. I know I am blessed with my husband.

[Amber L]

We have all known loneliness, and we don't have to be alone to feel it. Sometimes I am most alone when I am simply rejected by a friend, or misunderstod.

[Chris Z.]

I think the commandments to love God and neighbor that Jesus gave us in Matthew 22:37-40 apply. We start to look elsewhere for comfort or consolation or reward or happiness, in careers, material possessions, and leisure time activities, instead of seeking love in our relationships. The result is loneliness and unhappiness because God is Love and we are made in His image and likeness. We are not made to "go it alone".

[David Darois]

The devil has turned people into work-aholics, made them impatient with one another's faults and shortcomings, especially those who have dissabilities like me and convinced them that cell phones, e-mail, and the internet will bring them together when it rareley lives up to such potential

[Regina, Kansas]

As usual Mother Teresa had it right. I met her once and she was the sweetest woman I ever met. There is so much in her eyes that tells you all you need to know about life. God bless her. I live in the farmland and there's lots of loneliness here too.

[Timothy S.]

There is loneliness everywhere, not just in New York. Look at the sadness in the suburbs. I think we are all out for ourselves -- it's the me first attitude, and we pay the price that no one likes us.